Surreal Moments

I replay things until they make sense. I replay situations in my head and sometimes out loud. The situation that my husband and I were faced with on Saturday was one I had never thought I'd encounter. About 9:30 that night, I found myself with my Bible on my lap sitting in silence next to my husband as we drove to the ER. We had just received a call that a friend of his had attempted suicide. The details are awful...so I'll keep those to my self. But there were several things that kept running through my head as we spent the next 3.5 hours in this situation. There was a battle going on and we were walking right into it. Not only the friend who was recovering in the hospital; but another friend of Travis' was meeting us there who needs to come back to Jesus also. All these things coming into one crowded, dirty, loud emergency room.

As we approached the hospital, I kept praying. And in my mind, the verse in Eph 6:12 that says: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm", kept playing repeating in my mind. A tug came on my heart as we made our way through the corridors of the hospital, I kep praying against this battle.

I don't know this couple. This is a new friend of my husbands. And to spare all the details, I don't know if I ever met anyone in person who is facing so many strongholds at one time. My heart was broken for the husband and the wife who had witnessed the entire attempt.

Airports, hospitals, malls, emergency rooms...they are bizarre surreal places. And while I sat in the noisy room, another, compulsive mantra begin pounding in my head: This man needs Jesus. And it was a desperate need that I felt. It was not a "oh, everyone needs to be saved..la dee dah" feeling. There was something rattling my soul. I felt a little irrational even. I didn't want to here the chatter of the television or the teenage dad talking to his son infront of the fish tank. I wanted the nurses station phone to stop ringing. I felt the desperation in this man's soul that sat in a battered body behind swinging "caution" marked doors.

This was one of those moments in my life when the depravity of the world and the need for salvation was revealed to me more clearly that it had ever been. My mind was racing desperately. When another friend of ours arrived in support, I kept thinking, yes, it's great if he can tell him he cares a bout him and give him cliches about life is worth living. But I'll tell you I almost had to bite my lip from yelling at the top of my lungs: "We have nothing to offer him, only Jesus does! What are we thinking when we try to say anything else!" So I said it quietly. I said it where it would be accepted; but it was pounding in my heart.

Why this latter thought was so profound to me is b/c I have spent a good majority of my adult Christian life trying very hard not to come off cliche in my faith. But there is no watering down the truth.

In the last half hour before we left the ER, my husband was able to go in and talk to his friend. I am so proud of how God used my husband. Travis shared his own testimony. Told him about God. Told him about our church. And prayed for him.

I don't know what our role will be in the future with this situation; but I know that in the last few weeks through the Hurricane Katrina and this situation that I feel that God is stirring something in my heart. As Twila Paris says "I don't know the way to go from here; but I will listen to his voice."

I have always believed there are moments when God steps in and removes some of our earthly blinders like layers from our eyes and says: "Here. Here is a peek at the big picture. Just a glimpse. Just a moment to remind you of the spiritual battle at work. And don't forget, I already won. Just be an ambassador. Fight the fight. Finish the course."

This was one of those moments.